Well, its been quite a while again. I just haven’t gotten to writing much. I’m on FaceBook far more than Xanga anymore but I love the Xanga look so I keep it going. (www.xanga.com/forwardben ) Today is the first warm day we’ve had in weeks. It actually got above freezing so the snow is all melting! YAY! I’ve ben a little confused about life the past few days but on the whole I’m actually coasting pretty smooth lately. The past few days I am struggling with not understanding or being able to interpret my feelings and emotions or know why I have them. Ah well, I just try to shrug them off because they just bog me down. In a few hours some eBay auctions are ending for furniture I posted for Emily. I hope they sell!! I’m hungry… but really now.. is that anything new? I had an IFF with my church group (Journey) last week at my house. It was GREAT! I loved hanging out and inviting everyone. Amy and Ashley followed me over there and then I got the pizza and while I was away everyone else showed up. In all, Amy, Ashley, April, Sean, Veach, Arn, Jamie, Jonathan, Sarah, Dan, Krisanna, Cassie, Katie, and Ben came. Oh dear, I hope I didn’t forget anyone—it was pretty much crowded and SO FUN. I think I’m losing my mind… I just had to ask Sean who came! Emily and I hung out Thursday night, and about 30 minutes after she arrived, lo and behold, the fire alarms went off in the halls of my building! I was not working that night but I dashed off and grabbed my keys and called 911 to get info on what was the cause. They told me (the apartment manager) there IS a fire and get everyone out. I FLEW upstairs, got Emily outside and started to evacuate everyone else. It took a while for them to give re-entry clearance for floor 3. It was instigated by a kitchen fire and only burned the guys cabinets and kitchen vent and some drywall up through the walls. So it turned out to be an exciting night. Then we settled down and had snacks and watched a movie. I have an iMac computer now so I have been working with it getting it customized. I have a multi-chat client installed so now I can chat easier. I have been talking more with Amy lately as well as Jonathan. Amy goes to FAITH and my church and we’ve had some really good talks and she’s been an encouragement to me more than once. Jonathan now lives in a new house with some roomies. He visited me for Christmas and it was really good to see him again. I’m listening to 98.5 Sonshine FM in Perth Australia while I type. Oh the joys of Internet Radio. DXing is dead! Sadness!! Well, that’s about all have for now. I’d be happy for any comments. I really love to get comments or notes of encouragement. I need to get back to see who is winning the basketball game.. yeah you heard right.. BEN IS ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN SPORTS.. well, at least this game.
God Bless! Hear from you soon I hope!

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Ben Ditzel, ONCS^®

Sun Prairie Apartments

Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Well, things aren't so great right now and yet maybe they are. I mean that though things may not be the way I want them to be right now, I need to trust in God and believe that He has a plan for me and has a plan for everyone and though things may not be the way we think we'd be happy, all things work together for good... and as my Mom says, there's never a great loss without some small gain. I like Deborah very very much. I will write more on this soon, Lord willing.
On other things, the gold Toyota Corolla I owned last winter has resurafaced in my life in the form of unsigned title and non valid bill of sale. The simple fact is... I still own it! I hope to get it taken care of soon, hopefully Tuesday. I am over at Sean's house this evening with Veach, Dawn, and Justin while they play Settlers of Catan. I just enjoy spending time with them all though I don't play Settlers.
Just returned from church where I had a discussion about life with Sean and Danny Capon (my youth director).
Well other than that nothing much is going on new. Life IS improving I think in generals but sometimes I have some heartbreak or setbacks. Health isn't so great. I'm still recovering from mono and have had relapses which are not cool whatsoever. I have been considering thinking about a move to somewhere which would improve my health, such as Arizona. I don't know.
My car is running well though I ought to get new tyres adn a radiator flush before winter. This Christmas, my brother, Jonathan, and I hope to go to my parents in Arkansas for a visit. That should be nice.
Well thast about all for now!
God Bless!!
BEN <><

Well,again, its been too long since I last posted. And I don't have the excuse that SOMETHING'S CHANGED in my life. Cause really, nothing has. I now live in West Des Moines, and work at the apartment complex I live at. I have a new car, a 2003 Ford Taurus. I like it alot. But as far as relationships... nuttin new. Diana and I don't hang out talk anymore or even talk for that matter. She says she busy. She got a new job to. I've been struggling with so many hurts and questions I just don't know anymore where God wants me. He seems to be leading me somewhere but then suddenly its like (even though I know this does NOT happen) He changes His mind and takes me off somewhere else and I just feel like I'm being dragged to death. Its not a pleasant situation and though most of you know I'm 99% a cheerful and happy person, I've found it hard to even PRETEND to keep a happy face on the past few months. Things took a real nose dive and not very much has improved. I am literally starving, have no money, no food, no gas, lots of overdue bills, a few friends, (most of which are busy, have more important people to talk/spend time with, or treat me like a friend of convenience) and about the only thing I am sure of is that God loves me. I know He does. Things always have worked out before. I am probably just in a 'mood' right now, but yeah. So I guess I ought to close before I say something I don't mean. To my really good friends who have stuck by me, Emily, Sean, Hannah S, Arn (Aaron), ...I really appreciate you. I love you all alot. I am just SO lonely. It hurts desperately bad to be this lonely and I feel that I don't see its going to change... Please pray for me you all.

God Bless!

In Christ,
Ben D <><